I'm Going to Do Better

Dear Nathan,

I've finally found the article that tells me how to help you with your extreme temper tantrums when you perceive that things are unfair. The key to this is that it all starts with changing me.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/peaceful-parents-happy-kids/201704/how-break-the-cycle-shame-your-child

The article above confirms the thoughts that I've been thinking for awhile and gives me concrete steps to follow.

1. Resist the urge to ridicule, guilt trip, or shame in small ways that seem "harmless."
I am soooooo guilty of this. I was basically raised this way (no excuses) so I really need to work on not doing this with you and Hannah. (Already consciously avoiding this with Hailey)

2. Model the behavior you want.

I actually think I already do an OK job of this.

3. Welcome discussion on all issues.
Also, a check on this, but I need to hold my tongue and not try to offer suggestions so quickly.

4. Guide with empathic limits.
This is another thing I need to work on. With the busyness that comes with 3 children, I feel like I don't have the time to explain how empathize with your needs and wants before I set a limit, but I need to really make it a priority to do so.

5. Resist the urge to punish.

When either of you (mostly Hannah does this) are flat out being defiant and uncooperative, I get so angry that I want to punish you. But I need to empathize, redirect and set a limit.

So, if you suddenly notice how I've become "nicer" and more patient, this is why.

I'm going to do better.

Love,

Mom

The rest of October 2019

Dear Kids,

The rest of October has been cooler and at times wetter. So, Hailey, you and I have been spending more time indoors. You like peeling stickers, play doh and painting/drawing ghosts. 

 When Nathan and Hannah aren't home, you pretty much raid and play with their stuff.

 For the first time, we got tickets to Austin's Boo at the Zoo event. It was pretty fun and it was our first time to wear our costumes...which also happens to be our best group picture.

 We went with a family who we are good friends with and at the train, we ended up seeing a bunch of Nathan's school friends. With the big kids riding on their own together, we snuggled up with Hailey and rode the spooky train. You loved pointing out the pumpkins and ghosts.

 Hannah, you went on your first class field trip mid-month: pumpkin patch and fire station.

I remember Nathan getting bus-sick on the way to the fire station, thankfully motion sickness does not affect you.

 As mentioned before, Hailey you are very interested in drawing ghosts as of lately. If I draw an outline of a figure, whether it be a ghost, pumpkin or person, when prompted, you will draw the eyes, mouth, nose, arms, bow, and even the belly button. I'm pretty impressed at your spatial awareness at this ripe age of 2.

 2 Saturdays ago, our church hosted a fall festival with decorated trunks and trucks to touch and ride. I followed the Pokemon theme of our costumes and decorated our car with Pokemon Go as the inspiration. My legs were sore the next 2 days from picking up balls to hand to the kids for 3 straight hours! I literally had no break. Luckily you guys stayed to help for short bursts before I pawned you off to another family, (for them to take you around the event).

The built in ball return served its purpose, but I had to pass out the Pokeballs to the kids so they wouldn't move the whole set-up. 

Hailey, you have finally learned to do you first chore, sorting silverware! Now Hannah's role gets upgraded to putting tupperware away.

 And after being closed for almost a year, our local library branch is finally open! Hailey, you were pretty amazed when we walked in and you wanted to look at all the books! You even got introduced to  the self-check out kiosk, and I know how you feel about self-check out stations!

 Earlier last week, Hailey, you were pretty much throwing up all night. It tooks lots of sheet changes and snuggles to finally get you back to resting. Luckily the virus only lasted half a day and you were basically back to your normal self the following day.

2 am snuggles

 On Thursday, it was Halloween. This year, we walked you all ran around with our neighbors and your friend from school.

 The loot was plentiful. I was a good mom and allowed you all to eat 4 pieces of candy the night of and then the next day, I had you guys pick through your candy to keep all the candy that would fill 1 bucket. The rest we are donating.

 Grandma and Grandpa came to visit this past weekend, so on Friday, after school, we took a quick trip to the wildflower center to go explore their new fortlandia exhibits.

 On Saturday, I had roller derby practice, so you all went to martial arts, home depot's monthly build,

 and then to the fall festival at Daddy's work.

 There, Hannah, you got your face painted, and we finally convinced you to wipe it off the next day.

 Later that afternoon, we went out for a family bike ride. Hailey loves riding in the back and you would screach with joy everytime I stood up to pump the petals.

Well, this wraps up October and a few days of November. I'll probably make another update in a couple of weeks. Until then,
Love,
Mommy