45 Things I Want to Share About Me

Thirteen years ago, I started an annual tradition where after the new year, I answer the following 3 questions:
1. Who am I?
2. Who do I allow to influence who I am?
3. How do I live out who I am?

My friend Elizabeth, who also is an INFJ posted something the other day that has ignited the fire to set me on a journey of self-discovery. I didn't know this until recently, but INFJ's are the rarest Myers Brigg personality group, depending on the source, we make up 1.5% - 3.5% of the population. It suddenly made sense to me while all my life, I've always felt like I just didn't quite fit in.
So all my life, I've been trying to find my people, people who get me, who are into the same things as me, in the meantime, altering myself so I can fit in with whichever clique I happen to be associated with. I never really discovered who am I.

In the past 13 journal entries, much of my writing has slight nuances on who I have discovered myself not to be and who I want to be like, but I have never written anything down that specifically states who I am. So, I'm going to do it now, and share to the world, who I am. I know those of you who have read so far care deeply about me, and would like to know. I would like you to know too.

(I had some help coming up with this list. I drew a lot of these from Bo Miller who is also an INFJ)

Who Am I? 
1. I am an introvert. Many people are surprised to find this out. I guess I have good enough people skills to come across as an extrovert.
2. I love to write. It allows me to process my thoughts.
3. I can engage with large groups but only for a limited time. When I used to teach, I was exhausted and by the end of the day and just wanted to walk around Hobby Lobby by myself.
4. I enjoy people in 1-on-1 settings or in small groups. Large gatherings are overwhelming.
5. Generally, I like following a routine, but every once in awhile, I like to change it up a bit.
6. I hate chores, cleaning and routine tasks. Doesn't everybody?
7. I am always asking myself, what is God's purpose for me?
8. I enjoy reading personal growth books and taking personality quizzes.
9. I love "Aha!" moments.
10. It's tough for me to have my undivided attention at any moment. My mind drifts off into the future or into thoughts and feelings.
11. I am creative. As an outlet, I craft, write, paint, and cook/bake.
12. I crave depth in relationships.
13. I have an appetite for learning new things. I am a jack of all trades, but master of none.
14. I love problem solving. In physics class, my teacher told me that in his 20 some years of teaching, I  had completed the most extra credit assignments. Solving kinematics problems was super fun!
15. I have a hard time doing work that I'm not passionate about.
16. I can see other people's points of view pretty easily.
17. People who can't see other ways or those who are stubborn frustrate me.
18. I love figuring out what makes some people tick.
19. I like to make personalized things for people I know well.
20. I am reluctant to share what I really think and feel because I'm sensitive to criticism.
21. Everything I do, I want to do well. I set high standards for myself and others.
22. I like to communicate in analogies and metaphors.
23. I get so caught up in my thoughts sometimes that I run into things like door frames and columns.
24. I show love to others via quality time and service. I like to receive quality time and words of affirmation.
25. I enjoy having fun and acting silly with people who know me well. Oh, and my students too.
26. I love to read. I wish I had more time to do so.
27. Sharing insights and helping other people better reach their potential is exciting to me.
28. I don't say much, but I have so many thoughts and ideas swarming around in my head.
29. Hobby Lobby is my happy place.
30. When I fall short of my standards, I am extremely disappointed in myself.
31. I am a dreamer and a vision caster. But I am a doer. I actively will try to put my ideas into action to make progress.
32. Working for hours is not work if it's a meaningful project for me.
33. Physical health is important to me. I try to exercise regularly and eat healthy.
34. Money does not motivate me, but meaning and purpose do.
35. I am deeply concerned about the welfare and fair treatment of others.
36. I'm not a big fan of talking on the phone. I hated my job as a telecom surveyor.
37. I want to help. If I can do something about it, I will.
38, I don't like to dwell in the past, but instead, I look towards the future and look for ways to make it better.
39. I love planning and hosting parties, but the actual event drains my energy.
40. I admire and respect people who come "with baggage" meaning that they've had to overcome obstacles in their life. I love to hear their stories.
41. I am a big picture thinker. Details bog me down if I don't see how they all fit together.
42. I can eyeball a piece of paper and cut it in half exactly.
43. Reliability and faithfulness are important to me. I don't like to let others down.
44. Loose ends irritate me. I just want to complete a job and check it off.
45. I like constructive criticism when I ask for it. But I am hyper-sensitive to judgement. I need to not worry about what others think. 

Who do I allow to influence who I am?
I tend to change my personality to fit the people whom I am with. But I really need to stick with being me and only allowing God to influence who I am. Which leads perfectly into the next question:

How do I live out who I am? 
Instead of trying to fit in, I need to look inwards for guidelines on who I am. Be authentic, speak my mind, and don't fear judgement and criticism from others. Love and serve others. Walk around Hobby Lobby.

Well, that's it. If you've read until the very end, thank you for taking the time to do so. Comment below to share that you care.

A week of fluctuations and the start of sleep training

Dear Kids,

This week has been filled with highs and lows. 70 degrees one day, 21 degrees that night. Lots of fun, to comatose in bed with sickness. It's been quite the roller coaster ride. Well, because I'm still running on broken sleep (more on this later), let's just go in the order that the pictures loaded onto the blog (which should be chronological). 

On Friday, our friends who used to live close, but decided to the far far city of Round Rock was nice enough to come down to visit, because Hailey+car generally does not equal pleasant. You all played and had lots of fun with new presents.  

 The babies seemed to be taking turns sleeping, but there was a short window where both of you were up and awake. So, we just had to take a picture. 

 And then, the big kids wanted to join in because you all are just bigger versions of cuteness. 

 In the afternoon we joined up with a few other families from church for our monthly GIFT group gathering. It's always nice to be able to catch up with the other parents while you guys are playing upstairs. Wait, did I just say that out loud? What I mean is aren't you guys glad you get to play with each other without us parents hovering over you? 

On Saturday, we met up with Auntie Momo in north Austin for some dim sum. Both Nathan and Hannah did not remember ever eating dim sum, but Hannah was definitely excited about the shrimp dumplings. Nathan liked the BBQ pork buns and the shanghai soup dumplings. 

 Nathan, you were quite the conversationalist during the meal. I'm pretty sure you dominated the conversation. I was busy enjoying the food. 

 You both did such a great job just trying everything, so I ordered both of you fruit tarts while you were at the bathroom. Nathan quickly gobbled everything down. Hannah ate the fruit and custard and left the shortbread crust behind. 

 That afternoon I felt like a boxer had just punched me in the chest and then came the chills, body ache and extreme fatigue. It didn't take me long to realize that I had mastitis. I've heard about it, as it is pretty common to have, but I have never experienced it. Luckily Auntie Momo was here and it happened during the weekend, so Daddy was home, but I pretty much laid in bed for 24 hours. 

I was thirsty, gulped down water, but it went right through me. It was the worst for about the first 20 hours, but the next afternoon, I started to feel better, like I had more energy and eating didn't make me feel sick. 

Meanwhile, you guys did all sorts of things with Auntie Momo. You all played guns, dolls, legos, made clay ornaments, and even some video games. When it was time for Auntie Momo to leave, you both became very sad and wanted her to stay with us. 

Hannah has been particularly hungry all the time lately. You all usually wake up around 7:30 and have breakfast. I roll out of bed about an hour later and usually the first thing that comes out of Hannah's mouth is, "Can I have an egg?" So since I usually make myself an egg for breakfast, I have no problem cooking up an extra one. So one morning, you had an egg, finished it and asked for another one. After you finished, you wanted some toast. I gave you some multi-grain toast with a smear of nutella and you finished that. You were still hungry! I just had to take a picture of this mustache. 

 So then on Tuesday, the weather drops to freezing. We stay home, eat chili and at night Daddy turns on the fireplace. Nathan gets this great idea of roasting marshmallows, 

 so we made S'mores. 

At first Hannah was a bit afraid to roast the marshmallows yourself, (way to be cautious!) but in the end, you roasted one little one by yourself. 

 Today was the last day of cold weather, so I decided to make one of Nathan's favorite meals, Chinese lions head soup. Which is basically a pork meatball and cabbage stew. 

Hannah helped mixed the meat...

 And then both of you helped formed the meatballs. You both pretty much took over the whole process and so I told you two that I was going to go and watch some TV while you both finished up the cooking. 

I   both giggled like I was joking and then realized that maybe I wasn't. With a hesitated look, while half chuckling, Nathan, you exclaimed, "Hey, that's not fair!" So I then stayed to help finish making the meatballs. 

 I don't know what Hailey is going through these days, but it's been a rough week. Hailey, you've been taking extremely short naps, and sometimes you just scream for no apparent reason. I am pretty sure it's the famous 4 month sleep regression, where your brain is rewiring itself so that its sleep cycles are more like an adult's and not a newborn. 

New skills acquired this week include grasping. You like to hold onto my shirt while nursing. 

My Sweet View Each Time I Nurse Hailey. I'll Miss These Moments.

 You can also grab a hold of things dangling in front of you. Today, I hung a new toy on your carseat for our ride to the grocery store. At one point, I think I heard you squeal with joy when you made the rattle inside the toy make noise.

You've also developed quite the appetite for your fingers. Good thing you don't have teeth, otherwise, you would only be left with 2 pinkies.

I know it's a bit early to start sleep training, but your sleep has gotten worse. Waking up every 90 minutes at night has left me simply exhausted and possibly why I ended up with mastitis. So, 2 nights ago, I declared to Daddy that "Sleep training starts tonight!" The first night you cried on and off for 60 minutes and then drifted off to sleep. The second night, it only took you 4 minutes of complaining and then you fell asleep. Tonight, you cried for 2 minutes or so and then fussed for 5 minutes before falling asleep. Have I seen an improvement in nighttime sleep? Not yet, but this is the first step. You also have a little cold right now, and the stuffiness sometimes wakes you up while you are sleeping. I have witnessed this myself several times last night. Tonight, we have the humidifier running and your head propped up a bit, so hopefully things will be better and I can get a bit longer stretch of sleep in.

Well, that's about it for now. It's been a cold past few days. This weekend looks like it will get warm once again. But then again, there's the cedar. Dun Dun Dun! 

Until next week,
Love,
Mommy

Hailey is 15 Weeks Old

Dear Hailey, 

Tomorrow you will be 15 weeks old. Which means that it's been over 100 days since I've gotten more than 3 hours of sleep at a time. Physically, I am not tired, but I can definitely feel a bit stumped (as I can't find a more suiting word) and sluggish in the mental department. 

I really can't complain, because I have a beautiful, happy baby to cuddle each day. I get to nourish you with the milk my body produces, I get to rock you to sleep. When you cry, I can comfort you, and when when I wake up in the morning, I can look into the sweetest little happy face. I am so thankful for you. You are a blessing in our lives. 

Nathan and Hannah absolutely adore you. Hannah loves to wear matching outfits with you. 

 Nathan feels left out in the outfit department, but I try my best to coordinate.

 Your big brother and sister definitely fight over who gets to hold you.

 But in the end, the lesson about taking turns, usually upsets someone.

 One day you were crying in Illinois while I was out getting groceries. Grandma put you in a stroller down in the basement and started to roll you around. You stopped crying. We tried the same thing at home, except with Hannah's doll stroller. You fit perfectly, and lo and behold, you stopped crying. I was even able to fold and put away a load of laundry during that time.

 Nathan and Hannah both took turns pushing you around. Counting to 20 before switching off.

 Here are a few more pictures of you with your older brother and sister taken by grandpa.

Nathan and Hannah have been praying for you at night. Since you've been born, you have not been the biggest fan of the carseat, which is quite the understatement. One day, I asked them to pray for you at night and guess what? The next day, you had a successful car ride. You even fell asleep!

 From that day on, car rides have improved greatly. You are usually content for at least 10 to 15 minutes before you get fussy, and then you end up falling asleep most of the time.

It was so cold in Chicago, so when we did go anywhere, you just hung out in the baby carrier. You really like this one better than the other ones that we have. You have started to suck on the straps, so I put a cover on it so I just have to wash the cover periodically. 

 You are a very social baby. You don't mind it when other people hold you. You are very generous with your smiles and babbling.

 On Christmas, you received your very first princess dress. Oh, Hannah was sooooo excited for you.

 As far as sleep goes, you are falling into a pretty predictable night time sleep schedule. For the most part, you will fall asleep sometime between 8 and 8:30 pm. Wake up around 10:30/11:00 for a 20 minute feed and then sleep for 2 hours and 42 minutes. Wake up, feed for another 20 minutes, and then sleep for 2 hours. Wake up, feed for another 20 minutes and wake up an hour later. At this point, I pull you into bed with me and we cosleep until around 7:30 in the morning. Otherwise, you wake up every hour. You are a snuggler, more so than Hannah, and Nathan wasn't even a snuggler as a baby at all. My arms always fall asleep when you are with me because I use it to prop myself up so I don't squish you. So waking up to a sore arm that's also asleep sometimes can be annoying.

 I'm praying that you sleep longer stretches at night. I was talking to another mom who has a baby who is 1 month younger than you. Just so you know, she's sleeping for a 7 hour stretch at night for her mom. That's right...1,2,3,4,5,6,7. 7 hours. *sigh* must be nice. But you sleep and most of the time will go back to sleep quickly after a feed. So I must remind myself that this is just a phase and will be over soon.

Grandma found some pictures of Daddy when he was a baby. Of the three kids, you probably resemble him the most.

 Uncle Timmy, your Godfather, held you for the first time after your baptism. Since we had you baptized in Illinois, it was very nice to be able to have family there to witness your baptism.

 I cherish all the moments that we get to spend together. Sometimes when I am feeding you, or rocking you to sleep, I can hear mischief going on in the next room over. While I am often tempted to go see what is going on, sometimes I just try to ignore it and pray that no one gets hurt, too badly.

You are generally a happy girl. You are so talkative I've started to give you the nick name, "Squeaks." The rest of the family is not a big fan of the name, but it has stuck with me. 

So, exciting news, we are going to Disneyland! Since you've been going to bed right around when Nathan and Hannah go down, I've been able to do a lot of crafting. Today I found shirts for each of you at the thrift store and I added on these decals that I made. All three of you have matching shirts, now no one will feel left out. 

Sometimes the opportunity arises where I casually mention in conversation that I have three kids. Most of the time inside, I kind of feel like a rockstar mom, but sometimes I feel a little crazy: Three kids!  What were we thinking? Another day, I think I'm going to write a more reflective post on how my perspective as a mom has evolved with each birth. I definitely feel like I am more wise, less judgmental, and have become quite the mamarazzi. 

I love you and your brother and sister each so much in your own different ways. I look forward to meeting your little personality and seeing it blossom and evolve as you go from the terrible twos, to threenager, fabulous fours, and so on. 

Until next week, 

Love, 

Mommy 

Two weeks in Chicago

Kids,

Dad is doing today's update as he spent more time doing things over break than Mom as she was down with a cold for a bit.

Do you think your new toys will keep your attention for more than a few weeks? Only time will tell. Nathan seems to get a lot of reuse out of his lego sets as he enjoys building them just as much as playing with the final product. Hannah, on the other hand, seems to give attention equally to her new toys and old toys. Hailey hasn't quite figured out what a toy is, but it won't be long before she is chewing on them. Technically Hailey's 3 month birthday has passed, but we'll save that for next update.

In any case, this update will be quite a few pictures and I won't be able to go into detail on them all. We started off break with Hailey's first airplane ride. She did excellent, as we have quite a bit of experience in this field with the two older siblings. We didn't  have a nonstop flight this time, and the first one was 45 minutes late, so we were a little worried we wouldn't make the connection. However, they seemed to delay the second flight by 15 minutes or so everyone could make it.

We visited Grandma's chocolate store to make yummy desserts and the Wonderland Express.

There was no shortage of help to hold Hailey when we went swimming at Great Grandma and Great Grandpa's pool. We went swimming twice, and the second time Nathan scraped his nose on the bottom of the pool, ouch.

    

Hannah was able to skate on ice without help for the first time as we practiced at two different ice rinks. We couldn't find a pair of skates that were comfortable for Nathan for some reason, so he didn't skate much this time.

It was COLD in Chicago this year. I think it got down to around -10 degrees F, and never went above 20, so it was not very good weather for making snowmen. However, we were able to go sledding as there was enough snow on the ground. You also were able to consume your fair share of hot chocolate to warm up after enjoying the outside.

We also got to spend a lot of time with your cousins. 

And we even went to some museums in Rockford that we had never been to. In the basement of the natural history museum, which seemed like it got little traffic, we got to talk to a real paleontologist and touch a real dinosaur bone.

We decided to have Hailey baptized at the church where Dad grew up instead of our home church. 

Then we went to the Museum of Science and Industry and the restaurant where you get your food from a train.

Now that we're home, there is a lot of unpacking to do, and the Christmas decorations are slowly coming down. Until next week, Dad.