Sadly, I get most of my news from social media these days. When the news feed that I used to subscribe to started to become filled with President Trump news, I decided to unsubscribe and relied on the headlines that came across my mindless facebook scrolling after a long day of negotiating toddler tantrums.
Lately, there has been a huge controversy over this french movie, The Cuties. The emotionally charged posts all included clips of pre-teen girls dancing provacatively, (a style that I hope my children will NEVER emulate). I decided to research further and get more perspective before deciding on whether or not to watch the movie.
Well, after some research, I decided to watch it.
I'm going to preface it by sharing that I was a 5th grade and 8th grade science teacher who worked with kids similar-aged to those in the movie, so I can attest the behaviors and experiences exhibited by the kids in the movie can be completely "normal."
Without giving any spoilers, I feel that this movie paints an excellent picture of what it is like to grow up in a society where social media has such a huge impact on the formation of our identities.
Teens are awkward. Around 9-10 years old, hormones start to kick in and as a girl, things are extra weird. Your body is changing, do you wear kid clothes or juniors? (Back in my day, there the Jr.s section didn't even exist!) Then, suddenly that annoying kid who's been in your class since Kindergarten now has a cute dimple that you just can't stop noticing. And then you have to wear a training bra, deodorant and then at some point, you get your period!
Could anyone pay me to transform back to my teenage self? Nope. I remember wanting to just grow up, so my body could fit into clothes and look better, so that my face would be cleared of pimples, and I would figure all of this craziness out.
So, you take all that awkwardness as described above and you add on the following:
Social media
The old adage states, "Sex sells." All over social media, I see the duck lips, outfits that would make your grandpa blush worn by people from all stages of life. And then you have music videos (similar to the ones shown in the video) that pop up at Superbowl, YouTube, Tik Tok, and other sources of pop culture. Now, I want to make clear that I don't necessarily think any of this is inappropriate for adults, but for kids whose hormones are still messing with them, and before their pre-frontal cortex is fully formed, they don't need to be influenced social messages that put importance on one's image.
Absent parental figures
Many of the students that I taught had both parents who worked multiple jobs. Their parents never attended their games, and I get it because my mom, who raised us on her own, also had to work and was never able to come to my band concerts. So, if parents are not available to talk to their children about all the craziness that comes with growing up, where are they going to turn to? I think you can answer that.
Ok, back to talking about the movie.
The movie makes sure to clearly portray the girls as kids trying to grow up too soon. There was a scene that implied that the girls were looking at pornography, but the comments that they made were all completely inaccurate and uninformed. In another scene, a girl blows up a balloon, which ends up being a used condom and she didn't even know it was one.
A huge backlash of the movie comes from people who believe that the children were exploited to create the film. I disagree. The kids are actors, and they are older than 8. At that age, they are able to understand more abstract concepts and should be able to distinguish appropriate dancing and inappropriate dancing for kids. I don't think because of filming this movie, those kids will be twerking and humping the ground at their next birthday party. In fact, I think this movie may have even helped them realize how susceptible they are to media influences and that their identity does not come from the number of "likes" that they receive on their latest social media post.
The lingering crotch and butt shots were supposed to make the viewers uncomfortable. Replace the girls with 25 year old cheerleaders and you have a football halftime show. Can we ban together as parents to encourage entertainers to use less sexually suggestive moves in their routines? And also, instead of filtered selfies, let's post accomplishments and/or Pinterest fails...things that are real life.
What do we do from here?
As a parent, I wish I could shield my children from all the things that would take away their innocence, but realistically, as they get older, it's not going to happen. But we can start the conversation with them so that they are informed about exploitation and abuses of power and can know how to process it when it is time.
Here's a practical personal example:
My 6 year old discovered L.O.Ls and is obsessed with them. (I'm not going to buy her any, but not going to forbid her from playing with them. We received all of ours as gifts or from our neighborhood buy nothing group). If you aren't familiar, these are like mini Barbies with huge heads and large eyes. Most of their clothing are mid-drifts, short shorts and high heels. Sometimes you will even see fishnets on them. Is there anything wrong with those types of clothing? Not at all. If someone loves wearing those things, go for it, but I want to teach my children that their value doesn't come from flashy clothing, but from their character. So, when playing L.O.Ls with my daughter, I have been known to ask her to reflect about how comfortable she thinks the clothing that the L.O.L is wearing is. Or, if the dialogue starts to shift towards things that are more externally focused, I try to guide it back to focusing on a character trait instead.
With your child, paint what it looks like to be a decent human being, who is genuine both on and off the screen.
So, instead of cancelling Netflix, how about boycotting the Superbowl? (hold on there, just trying to make a point) There are film makers who create to entertain, but there are also film makers like Maimouna Doucoure who want to create film to change society, for the better.
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