I'm Going to Do Better

Dear Nathan,

I've finally found the article that tells me how to help you with your extreme temper tantrums when you perceive that things are unfair. The key to this is that it all starts with changing me.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/peaceful-parents-happy-kids/201704/how-break-the-cycle-shame-your-child

The article above confirms the thoughts that I've been thinking for awhile and gives me concrete steps to follow.

1. Resist the urge to ridicule, guilt trip, or shame in small ways that seem "harmless."
I am soooooo guilty of this. I was basically raised this way (no excuses) so I really need to work on not doing this with you and Hannah. (Already consciously avoiding this with Hailey)

2. Model the behavior you want.

I actually think I already do an OK job of this.

3. Welcome discussion on all issues.
Also, a check on this, but I need to hold my tongue and not try to offer suggestions so quickly.

4. Guide with empathic limits.
This is another thing I need to work on. With the busyness that comes with 3 children, I feel like I don't have the time to explain how empathize with your needs and wants before I set a limit, but I need to really make it a priority to do so.

5. Resist the urge to punish.

When either of you (mostly Hannah does this) are flat out being defiant and uncooperative, I get so angry that I want to punish you. But I need to empathize, redirect and set a limit.

So, if you suddenly notice how I've become "nicer" and more patient, this is why.

I'm going to do better.

Love,

Mom